yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
