Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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