Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am one with the molecules
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
