I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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