You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
