If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
