shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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