So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
