Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
