VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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