dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
