i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
