dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
