apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I smell stomach acid.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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