you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Randomize
