My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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