My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
