i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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