I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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