Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
