I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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