Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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