I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
