I can text with my tongue
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dick very happy bro
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
