you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sext me about skeletons
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
