they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
