I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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