so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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