Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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