Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
