woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
