everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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