You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
