you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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