a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
