so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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