I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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