I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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