Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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