Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
