she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
