So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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