Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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