sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
