i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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