Nicole vs. Life
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
