11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
