Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
