why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
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I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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