i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
