There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
