we made out on top of his cat.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
