I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
