There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
