Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize