how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
