I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
