is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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