I wish my penis had an off switch
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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