the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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