Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
