i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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