Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
