I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Someone shit on the floor
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
