friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
