I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
