You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize