By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
