I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
