I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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