my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
